Faith is STILL Not a Feeling

+JMJ+

I don't even know when I first heard the phrase, "Faith is not a feeling." Yet, years later...the dictum still rings true.

Funny, I've been to several retreats, and upon returning home experienced the "retreat LOW." I didn't think after coming back from CREDO in Ohio this weekend that I'd get another "retreat LOW."

Whereas in the past the temptation is to doubt the graces of the retreat, doubt God's plan for my life, this time it is just a general feelings of anxiety and being unsettled. I realized that this, too, can be a form of temptation to doubt grace after a retreat. Unlike times in the past, I recognized this as a temptation to doubt the grace...and what a blessing!

Of course, accepting that faith, indeed, is not a feeling is a challenge. Recognizing that feeling like junk doesn't mean God has 'left' the picture is also a challenge. In that challenge, I am seeing some of my own faults that I haven't seen as clearly before--seeing my own sinfulness and knowing that I need to work on detaching from the things that keep me from growing closer to God!

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I received a special gift today when I got home, that reminded me of God's love. I live with a family, and when I got home, I discovered that Kelly was making my favorite dinner! Not only that, but later on in the evening little Benedict gave me a huge hug and his baby sister was sharing smiles and laughter with all of us!

Sure, life is never perfect, and we are not always going to have that 'feeling' we want when it comes to faith and prayer. But, God is still there...

“He will be with you also, all the way, that faithful God. Every morning when you awaken to the old and tolerable pain, at every mile of the hot uphill dusty road of tiring duty, on to the judgment seat, the same Christ there as ever, still loving you, still sufficient for you, even then. And then, on through all eternity.”

~Thomas à Kempis

An Angelic Kind of Day after CREDO

+JMJ+

What a perfect way to begin a new week: celebrating the Feast of the Archangels Gabriel, Raphael and Michael! I can't help but sense how God's timing is really perfect.

This weekend I had the joy of spending time with Catholic youth in Cincinnati, Ohio. The occasion? CREDO, a Eucharistic Centered Retreat.

Over the past three years I've been blessed to take part in YOUTH 2000 here in Chicago, upon which CREDO is modeled. What, might you ask, did we do this weekend?

Picture this:

A high school gym...with an alter, a band...and at the center of the room, a tower of candles-the 'Burning Bush'-upon which is enthroned the King of Kings--Jesus Christ, truly present in the Blessed Sacrament.

When I arrived at the high school where CREDO was being hosted, I was lead in through the gym, and the moment I walked in, I felt at home (and I had the sense that God will bring me to many such gyms turned retreat chapels during my life). I spent some time in the school's actual chapel, praying and preparing for the presentation I would give later Friday evening, based upon the theme for the retreat--"Credo, I believe, help my unbelief," from the Gospel of Mark.

Funny, it was only earlier that week that I'd realized I was invited to speak before JESUS, that He would be there, in the room, really present, not in the Tabernacle, but there, exposed in the midst of us...in the Monstrance. It was hard for me to wrap my head around, but after talking with Fr. Michael, who was coordinating the retreat, I felt more at ease and had a solid direction to take into prayer.

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To make a long story even longer...the weekend was such a joy! I met so many wonderful people--not only the many adult volunteers who spent their weekend working behind the scenes with great joy--but also so many awesome teens and wonderful Dominican Priests! You truly had the sense that so many of us really wanted to be there, that we were brining our hearts and so open to all that Jesus wanted to give us through the sacraments of Confession and Holy Eucharist, the talks and the experience of Eucharistic Adoration (and some pretty sweet Praise and Worship).

What was the best part of the weekend? Well, Jesus of course! But along with His presence and grace came meeting so many people, hearing stories, sharing smiles, tears, and of course JOY!

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Rewind a little...on Friday morning when I was walking through O'Hare Airport, I felt a little lonely, but I had this deep peace that this was part of my story, too. That God, in His generosity, is inviting me to share more of myself with others, and to learn more and more how to see HIM and receive Him in everyone around me! How could I ever be lonely if I could just understand a little how Jesus is truly present everywhere, if not physically, always in spirit?

So, why am I glad today is the Feast of the Archangels? Because sometimes when you come home from a retreat, things are really hard--it is hard to pray, hard to hold onto the graces received. But, how generous is God?? The day after CREDO ends, to remind us that His angles are always with us!

P.S.~ For the record, I've never seen "Days of Elijah" rocked out the way they do it in Cincinnati!

P.P.S.~ The picture is of the Burning Bush from YOUTH 2000 Chicago this past Winter, but this is exactly how the Burning Bush looked at CREDO--Oh, and JESUS is in the picture too, Really Present in the Monstrance!

More Tales from the CTA

+JMJ+

Forget about long day, this has been a long week. Generally I try my best each day to be joyful, no matter how challenging things become. This week was filled with craziness at work, late nights and tough reality checks, and today I found myself in a very un-joyful demeanor.

Thankfully, a little time on a city bus can cure lack-of-joy, if you are open to the remedy. As I piled onto the already crowded express bus this afternoon, I juggled a saddle bag, my laptop case and large box of "fine quality cotton paper."

I notice it was going to be challenging to maintain this balancing act for 15 minutes, especially since I didn't get a seat. Soon we were all sardining ourselves into the middle third of the bus, and I ended up in front of an elderly woman. She was doing a crossword puzzle.

"Is that box heavy?" She asked me...."No, not really." I said. Then she said, "Why don't you just let me hold it on my lap for you, that way at least you'll be free to hold on." And that was just an offer I couldn't say no to.

Her act of kindness was followed by the woman sitting beside her. This lady happened to get off at the very next stop, and motioned that I should take her seat. So there I sat, bags and box in place.

It is so easy to overlook things like this, but really, what a gift those two women were to me! Not only did they care for me in a specific, disinterested way, but they also reminded me that we are at all times to serve one another. Serving doesn't have to be complicated, because true service is rooted in love.

The Reason

"What we await are new heavens and a new earth where, according to his promise, the justice of God will reside. So, beloved, while waiting for this, make every effort to be found without stain or defilement, and at peace in His sight. Consider that our Lord's patience is directed toward salvation."

~ 2 Peter 3:13-15a

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If you pray the Liturgy of the Hours, you'll recognize this passage from Peter's Second Letter. It is the last reading of the 4-week cycle. I am not sure it made much of an impression on me until yesterday morning...

What is it all about? How TEMPORARY this place truly is. That the trails of this life are not lasting...that we are living in a state not meant to persist...and that the Lord is truly patient with us, because he desires nothing more than our perfect union with Him in Heaven.

The reading from Paul's Letter to the Philippians proclaimed today (25th Sunday in Ordinary Time) tied perfectly with the passage from Peter:

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Brothers and sisters:
Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
For to me life is Christ, and death is gain.
If I go on living in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.
And I do not know which I shall choose.
I am caught between the two.
I long to depart this life and be with Christ,
for that is far better.
Yet that I remain in the flesh
is more necessary for your benefit.

Only, conduct yourselves in a way worthy of the gospel of Christ.

~ Philippians 1:20c-24, 27a

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What is Paul talking about? Once again, that our lives are not our own, that this place, this earth, is not IT at all. "I long to depart this life and be with Christ, for that is far better. Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit." That statement encapsulates the Christian vocation.

It is FAR BETTER to be with Christ completely--that is what we are destined for. Yet, while on earth, our mission is our own salvation and that of the world. Whether in big or small ways, every thing we do MUST be directed towards the work of salvation. We must learn to make each moment a sincere gift of self, whether it be an exchanged with a woman working at the pharmacy, a little child or the most challenging co-worker or relative. Can we do this? Can we honestly direct all our actions toward perfect communion with God, ultimately pure love?

In a world centered on the self, this message is often scoffed at worse and ignored at best. Yet, Christ didn't promise we'd be popular. He promised Himself to us. How challenging it is to see how much better Jesus' promise is to us than we can really comprehend it to be.

It takes an intentional examination of our day and life to allow God to reveal where we cooperate with Him and His love, and where we turn our backs. Simply take 5 minutes at the end of each day, center yourself, ask Jesus to shine His light on your day.

+ Remember the blessings...and be thankful!

+ Recall the day step by step, and recognize when you loved, and when you did not love...when you sinned against God, your neighbor, and yourself. Ask forgiveness.

+ Resolve to begin anew tomorrow, desiring to live in communion with God and His perfect love.

+ Commit yourself and your resolutions to God by praying the Lord's Prayer.

This, simply put, is St. Ignatius' method of the Examination of Conscious. It is so simple, and a true means to live more faithfully the message of Peter and Paul so clearly spoken in their letters.

May we be faithful to our Christian Vocation, and live the counter-cultural life we have been invited to.

Childlike Love

+JMJ+

After a long week of late nights, I came home and had the joy of spending time with little Benedict, his baby sister Miriam and their mom. Everything that I do at work and everything I so deeply desire to do with my life makes more sense when I am with these little ones.

Now that Miriam is just beyond 6 weeks old, she is becoming more active and smiles quite a bit! I took to sining her a song I really like, and it turns out she loves the song too. The lyrics are very simple:

Lord prepare me
To be a Sanctuary
Pure and Holy
Tried and true
With thanksgiving
I'll be a living
Sanctuary
For You.

The first time I sang this song as I held her in my arms, I looked at her and when I sang the word Sanctuary, her face just lit up! I wondered if it was because she was Baptized at the Sanctuary of the Divine Mercy. Anyhow, sometimes I'll use her name instead of "me" or "I'll", and she always smiles...I think she likes the tune, too. It turns out the song is very dear to both her parents...I've come to notice how she is so intent with her eyes, and she receives so much when you just look at her with love, and she gives that love right back.

Time spent with Benedict, who is just beyond 2.5, is very different. Generally, we play extremely imaginative games and when I use a new word, he asks for a very detailed explanation. Today, it was the word ambitious. I did have to think twice before I could define it. We also swam in the warm water that had once been the sun room, and enjoyed Irish Tea (imaginary) as well as a healthy piece of freshly baked pie (also imaginary). Benedict truly has a taste for the finer things. I imagine he'll be educating his little friends on proper, healthy eating habits when he grows older, and with much conviction at that.

What amazes me about spending time with these little ones is how precious and innocent they are, and how they give so much love. I walk through the door, and there is Benedict, with a huge smile and a "Hi Miss Alicia!" Even baby Miriam, in her smiles and the sense of security she displays, offers deep love.

Truly, all of us are called to love, and I think being with children teaches so much patience and prudence. You have to watch what you say, and learn gentle ways to correct. These, too, are lessons of love.

And, oddly enough, when you do something with great love, time goes by so quickly! Chores really are no longer a burden, and little conversations are so precious. Everything out in the world is chaos and complexity, but the time I send with these children is simple and straightforward--because it is all about love.

Three Saints...One Day

A little late, I know, but on September 17 we commemorated the Stigmata of St. Francis. As you know, the Stigmata has been given to a handful of saints over the centuries. It is a radical invitation in to share in the physical sufferings of the five precious wounds Jesus received while on the cross.

As it turns out, last night I stayed with a friend in the suburbs. On our way to work, we went to St. Peter's in the Loop--which is a Franciscan Mission. It appears this particular feast is celebrated mainly on the Franciscan Calender. I was delighted, as we had readings oriented to the feast! What a lovely coincidence to be at St. Peter's on such a day as today. I was blessed to venerate dear St. Francis' relics after Mass (if you ever go, they are in a reliquary on a stand before a large statue of St. Francis on the wall to the right side of the alter).

Later today, I realized it is also the feast of a Jesuit, St. Robert Bellarmine. Free association elicits England and defender of the faith. I am sure I know more about him, but as it is nearly 2 a.m., my memory is failing me...but I do remember that my friend T.J. out West went to Mass this morning as well, and the readings he heard were for Wednesday, 24th week in Ordinary Time...and, do you know what the reading was taken from? 1 Corinthians 13! Last week, we had been discussing the verse from Paul just before the chapter 13, "Let me show you a more excellent way..." which at the time, I was unaware of where in St. Paul one finds that quote. Of course, if you are familiar with chapter 13, you know it is the poetic explanation of what Love truly is...and T.J. said the priest challenged those present to replace the word 'love' with their own name...and use it as a measure for discipleship! This made me very excited, as it is an excellent challenge for growing more deeply in the spiritual life.

Even in addition to Bellarmine, we also remember St. Lambert today, who died a martyr's death, his heart being pierced by a javelin while he was at the alter!

In any event, I thought these three men gave so much to our Church, out of love for God! May we truly strive to be saints, because there is no other way...take courage from some recent words of Papa Benedict, "saints are sinners, too." There is hope!!

Miram

+JMJ+

I find some of the most profound moments occur on Public Transportation.

As I ran to catch the bus after spending time with the local Jesuit Community, I was distressed that I had missed it by 20 seconds. iPod in hand, I figured I'd disconnect from reality until the next one came...which would probably take 15-20 minutes. What ensued was anything but a disconnect.

"Will you help me get a cab?" An short, elderly women with a walker shouted in my direction. It seemed she was oblivious to the iPod...and as I yanked the ear buds out, I said, "Sure."

"Are you going far?" I asked...she replied no, it was just about 2 miles or so. "Why don't you take the bus?" "Will you help me?" I said of course. She had been unable to get on the last bus because she could not maneuver the walker alone.

I leaned over to ask her name...and she responded, "Miriam."

I encouraged her to sit on the bench with me while we waited for the next Westbound bus, and she entrusted her bus card to me. She told me about where she had come from: she grew up in Bombay, and spent 20 years in Israel. Her husband had died, and her children were all over the world...and here she was, after a life of work, in a new country, rather lonely. She clearly missed her daughters and the life she knew.

"I am going to a prayer meeting. The pastor is there, he knows me." I asked her if she was Christian, and she said yes.

As the bus pulled up, I recognized the driver, and he looked a little surprised at my endeavor, though not shocked. As Miriam sat beside me, she was rather convicted about where we should get off--but I was not convinced...thankfully, the driver clarified the stop (which was no shock to me). As we sat on the bus, she held my arm, as if holding on to something safe and familiar, and I felt as if that moment was the moment my entire day had been made for.

As we got off the bus, she shared with me that in Israel she had learned Hebrew. I asked if she read the Bible in Hebrew--she said no. I told her I studied Ancient Greek, "Ah," she said,"that is the language of the New Testament...Hebrew is of the Old Testament." I was delighted.

"Come to the prayer meeting with me." I politely declined her invitation, but she did tell me more than once to visit her at her apartment. After we finally located the prayer meeting, we embraced one another. "God bless you Miriam," I said..."God bless you Alicia!" She responded...as I walked away, she called after me "God bless you!"

What a gift to have spent time with Miriam...and to meet a woman with the same name as the Virgin Mothers. You see, the evening I met Miriam, was the eve of the feast of the Holy Name of Mary.

A Gift from Papa: The Cross

+JMJ+

Papa Benedict is currently in Paris, en route to Lourdes to celebrate the Exultation of the Holy Cross tomorrow, Sunday September 14. Even tonight we began to anticipate this feast during Vespers...recognizing the ultimate witness of God's love for us: Christ's suffering and death on the Cross.

As he spoke to young people outside Notre Dame (the glorious Cathedral dedicated to Our Lady...a place I visited almost 8 years ago), his message was one of entrustment. He entrusted to the Parisian youth, and to all young people, a two-fold gift: the Holy Spirit and the Cross.

He entreated us to allow the Spirit to animate our prayer and our hope...and he asked us to reflect on the Sacrament of Confirmation. Ultimately, to what does the Spirit lead? A radical embrace of the Cross...

"Dear young people, I know that venerating the Cross can sometimes bring mockery and even persecution. The Cross in some way seems to threaten our human security, yet above all else, it also proclaims God's grace and confirms our salvation. This evening, I entrust you with the Cross of Christ. The Holy Spirit will enable you to understand its mysteries of love. Then you will exclaim with Saint Paul: "May I never boast of anything, except the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world" (Gal 6:14). Paul had understood the seemingly paradoxical words of Jesus, who taught that it is only by giving ("losing") ones life that one finds it (cf. Mk 8:35; Jn 12:24), and Paul concluded from this that the Cross expresses the fundamental law of love, the perfect formula for real life. May a growing understanding of the mystery of the Cross lead some of you discover the call to serve Christ unreservedly in the priesthood and the religious life!"

So often we must remember, our lives are not our own. There is nothing that compares to falling in love with God--an experience shared by all the saints. May we, too, strive for sanctity. We cannot have an attitude of complacency any longer. The hour is coming...and, as the Apostle says, indeed, it has come! We must in this present moment embrace the Cross, and let it be our standard, as under the guidance of the Virgin Mary, we seek to bring Christ to a world suffering for love!

Even St. Paul reminds us, we may sow the seed or water it, but God brings it to fruit--and how humble God is, to allow us to cooperate in His divine plan. Do not let this invitation pass you by...

The Truth about Simplicity

+JMJ+

I find myself learning anew the reason why we are here: simply to love. I am convicted that all of the 'problems' in the world are a result of an inability to love well, to love rightly. As the Taize chant proclaims, Ubi caritas et amor, Deuis ibi est: Where there is charity and true love, there is God.

This week has re-affirmed to me why systems and structures in our country do not work, do not amount to what they promise. The most evident to me, and prevalent in the media lately, has been politics. Democrats and Republicans claim to have the solution to our country's woes: (poverty, education, health care, abortion, ect. ect. ect.). Yet, they cannot produce what they claim to offer.

The only solution to any of the ills in this nation is radical conversion. Pro-lifers who think the Republican ticket is the solution to ending abortion are living in a false reality. There is little, politically, that any person can do to end abortion, or to promote the dignity of all human life, for that matter. Even if Roe were overturned, that is only the beginning of the state-by-state legal battle that would ensue in order to eradicate abortion. And, even if all the states outlawed abortion...it would not be entirely uprooted in our land, because the philosophical foundation for the culture of death would probably still be present...and some other atrocity against human life would surely present itself.

In no way do I desire to be the bearer of gloom and doom. I want to be simple and real. In my estimation, the only way to promote a culture of life, the only way to eradicate poverty and abuse, violence and economic woes, is to turn our hearts to Christ.

There is a song used at the Youth 2000 retreats that I really love. It is simple, but the message clear, and it holds the key to the change that really must take place:

I want to see Jesus lifted high
A banner that flies across this land
That all men might see the truth and know
That He is the way to Heaven

Step by step we're moving forward
Little by little we're making ground
Every prayer's a powerful weapon
Strongholds come tumbling down...

Perhaps if Christians put more Faith in Christ and allowed politics to function in the right role, things in this country would change. Citizens would be Faithful to God and take their civic responsibilities seriously. Casting a ballot every 2-4 years does not amount to faithful citizenship.

What is faithful citizenship? A recognition that prayer, fasting and engaging society on various levels is the key to a culture change. As I reflected before, we don't need more programs. We need people willing to be with and love their neighbor one-on-one. It really is the solution, and it is so simple. And yet, for various complicated reasons...few seem to comprehend. After all, Jesus never put a program into place...He spent his time in prayer, fasting...and loving people, one-on-one.

...Paradise?

+JMJ+

As I ponder today, Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins starts to play in my head. Yes, I am no too thrilled with my day. Everything seems so unreal. Did you ever stop to think how crazy it is that we work in tall buildings and spend 2-3 hours commuting each day, come home, eat, vegetate...rinse, dry, repeat?

But what does Collins ballad remind me of? That I don't have it bad...

She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and I've nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

He walks on, doesn't look back
He pretends he cant hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

...what Collins' song does say is we've gotten far from what we were created for.

The other day I heard about a parish in Michigan that has the highest rate of young men entering the seminary in the United States out of any parish...and they only have 800 parishioners. Someone called the community and asked what their program was, so that they could implement it at their own parish. Funny thing is, they don't have a 'program.'

Whether you are faith-based or secular, if you live in the modern world, you know the cure for any disease is a good program. We have them coming out of our ears. But last time I checked, the results really weren't all that earth shattering. Did you know that there are 37.3 million people in the United States living in poverty? This just came out from the US Census Bureau...amounting to 12.5% of the population living in poverty. Something is sevearly wrong with that statistic. Seems like the programs are not a cure-all.

The bridge of Collins' song asks,

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

It seems the American epidemic: say something, anything, make a promise, propose a program...and we'll get results. Yet it isn't working. A little Franciscan spirituality might help: speak the truth with you life, and only with your mouth when necessary.

The cure is not programs, it is people. It is each one of us, living the best we can, where we are. It is NOT ignoring the woman you see every day who asks for change. Sure, maybe she gets under your skin, but did you ever stop to ask her name? Instead of sulking on public transportation, I've taken to being very aware of those around me--and it changes things. Suddenly my little crosses diminish even more as I read the stories painted by body language.

We aren't living in Paradise, and America is far from the City on a Hill so proudly envisioned by some Founding Fathers. But, despite all that, despite the numbers and the avoidance of reality masked by the 'success' of innumerable programs, people are responding. More and more, men and women are choosing to live a little differently and love more directly.

Imagine, if each person just loved, in a pure and holy way, one other person. Wouldn't the world be radically different?

Love serves.