Anxiety Attack 101

"Be Not Afraid." With these words, the Servant of God Pope John Paul II began his pontificate. John Paul II didn't come up with this on his own...surely God always assured the Israelites of the Old Testament to fear not. When Gabriel appeared to Mary, his first words were "Be not afraid." Even Jesus, in the eloquent Last Supper Discourse as recorded by John, assured his disciples to "Be Not Afraid." He had invited them to abide in His love, just as Gabriel invited the Virgin to abide in the Lord's love, just as John Paul II always directed people to allow the Lord to love them.

Fear is the antithesis of love--yet isn't our world plagued by it today? So many persons experience fear on various levels. As I write this I have been struggling with the fear of a new transition--I have been blessed with a great opportunity, yet I am afraid: of being alone, of the person I don't know who can hurt me or the battle not yet had that may defeat me. I've spent the last few days anticipating (in fear) something that might happen, but hasn't happened. Didn't the Lord say "Do not worry about tomorrow...Consider the Lilies of the field, they neither reap nor toil, yet not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these..." Truly!

Are there not so many people to love in this very moment--isn't is selfish of me to worry about a hypothetical bad experience? I have a friend who is discerning marriage, and today she told me that she wants to be sure not to neglect the persons closest and most important to her: she doesn't want to 'stop' loving the people in her life because she is coming closer to her vocation...now THAT is discernment: if you are growing in the Lord, your capacity to love those around you will perpetually increase! A mom I once knew said of her several children, when a woman in the grocery store asked how she divided her love among so many, "I don't divide my love, I multiply it!" Isn't that beautiful?

So many persons are in need of love, to turn in upon oneself in fear is just about the worse thing one could do! I recently read in The New Yorker an article about Ian McKellen. The reader was invited into a very detailed story of this actor's life, and the one message I kept finding, throughout the text, was McKellen's desire to be accepted--to be loved. He had advocated for the rights of persons with same-sex orientation to have rights comparable to married couples. In Britain he has been a celebrity face of the gay rights movement...yet there is this one moment in there where the reader realizes how McKellen has struggled for acceptance--he bluntly 'came out' to an American producer (for the first time publicly) in the early 80s when being gay was not as socially acceptable as it has become--and the producer walked away...McKellen recalled that incident like it was yesterday. Yet, the one place he has always felt at home has been amongst actors and those involved in the theater. Where he could not find acceptance in society, he found acceptance in the arts.

I am not condoning McKellen's lifestyle, but his story brings about an important point: when a person is rejected, they retreat, and will continue to do so until they self destruct, or they find acceptance. There was never a command "Thou shalt accept (insert) lifestyle," or "Thou shalt agree with every opinion or ideology of thy neighbor." BUT the MOST important commandment echoes the words of Christ, and is just the same as "Be Not Afraid," for it is "Love one another, as I have loved you..." If only we can learn to love, then our fears will be cast aside, our capacity to love will multiply a hundred fold, and we can truly live life to the fullest, embracing every challenge with a joyful smile, a discerning mind and a peaceful heart.

Ever Blessed

Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Czestochowa--an immensely important day for the People of Poland. Our Lady of Czestochowa, also referred to as Our Lady of Jasna Gora (Mountain of Light), and The Black Madonna, is an icon of maternal protection and faith for the people of this Slavic Nation: she has been named the Queen and Patroness of Poland.

I had the opportunity this past May to go on pilgrimage to Poland, and the very first place we stopped was Jasna Gora, the Shrine of Our Lady! We arrived at 5:30am, after an 8 hour bus ride from Vienna, Austria. A few of us ladies were a little shocked that we wouldn't be able to wash up before visiting the shrine, but as the minutes passed at this sacred place, I realized how fitting it was that we came truly as pilgrims--not looking perfectly, but surly our hearts were in a holy place. As we walked around the fortress that is the shrine, one could see clearly how important faith is to the Polish people--here was a fortress built to protect the faith of the people.

My friend with whom I was traveling and I had the occasion to shoot some footage while at the shrine, and he captured a beautiful moment when, at the end of Mass celebrated right in front of the Image of Our Lady, the hundreds of pilgrims there on an ordinary Monday morning broke out in a beautiful, simple hymn in honor of the Virgin, in their native tongue. When we had arrived that morning there were already (AT 5:30AM) literally hundreds of youth at the shrine! I've never seen anything like this in the United States--they were ordinary teenagers in jeans and t-shirts, yet they came by the bus-load to visit this shrine.

As we walked the perimeter of the shrine, we stopped at a place that I imagine at this very moment. There is a vast open field in front of the shrine, where RIGHT NOW there are actually hundreds and thousands of pilgrims at Jasna Gora to celebrate Our Lady's Feast day. They will travel on foot and by car from all over Poland to the shrine for this special occasion. If one looks out beyond where the pilgrims are camped, one can see smoke stacks--throughout the 20th century the communists tried to demoralize the Polish people, and get them to loose their faith. They build a dark, industrial town around the out skirts of the shrine, and even placed a smoke stack to block the view of a church steeple once easily seen from the shrine. Yet, even with all their efforts to destroy Poland's faith, they did not succeed. The Polish people knew they had dignity, and Pope John Paul II reminded them of this when he came to Jasna Gora soon after he was elected pope, addressing the masses of pilgrims, affirming them in their dignity and faith.

If there was anywhere I could be at this moment, on this day, it would be at Jasna Gora. But, I am here in Chicago...at least I can imagine what it is like there today, and what it has been like this past week--a witness to faith and the work of Divine grace. What other religion so honors a woman? What other woman in history so perfectly responded to her call as the Virgin Mary? The image of Czestochowa is miraculous: it is said that the evangelist Luke painted this image, it passed through the hands of emperors and princes before it was given to Prince Ladislaus in Poland. The painting itself has withstood fire, sword and arrow, and it is today as it was thousands of years ago--a sign of faith and a means to inspire the masses to trust in hope in Divine providence, and to ask for the intercession of the Virgin Mary for their many needs.

As a young woman, it so inspires me to see the example of the Virgin Mary, and how her life literally changed the course of history. One woman changed the world--I hope that in some way, I, too, can change the world, and be an instrument of love and peace, just as the Virgin Mary was...I honestly believe that this is what we are all called to...

The 'Sounds' of Silence

I often wonder if people do like silence...so much of Jesuit Spirituality speaks of discernment in the quiet spaces, people go on vacation away from the City to 'get away' from the noise, parents often yell at their kids to be quiet...yet when you get down to it, silence has a rather towering effect--it can make or break you.

Silence can be like a calculating predator, coming upon its victim unexpectedly, gnawing away, getting to the most vulnerable, sensitive parts of the victim's being. Or, silence can be a pristine looking-glass, catching those interior corners that are often left out of sight. Silence can be the most real "I love you" one may ever hear, or the most ruthless manifestation of hate ever experienced. Silence can kill.

Yet, the glory of silence, I believe, is that it is meant to build up. It affords the opportunity to examine oneself more intently, to consider one's choices more objectively. Silence gives God the invitation to speak, it is like saying "Here I am Lord," and honestly meaning it.

Living in the city it is hard to find silence. Some silence can be contrived and insincere, especially when you are with another person. Yet there is a silence when in the midst of another that is pure joy--no need for words, words are not enough or appropriate to communicate the love or the understanding. That is the language of a lover. The most perfect example is Eucharistic Adoration. Here we have the Lover, Christ...gazing upon the beloved, the adorer. It is a relationship, a conversation of love...and it can happen in perfect silence.

Perhaps if lovers used the Eucharistic model, their loved would be a more mystical experience, huh? If men and women, husbands and wives were allowed the pure beauty of silence with one another, in the presence of the Lord both in Adoration and not in Adoration--but surrounded by the glory of creation--would not that be an amazing foundation for the married vocation?

As for me, I will continue to pray for the gift to appreciate the silence...and the courage to have a spirit of silence, always available to receive the Lord and those whom He desires to entrust to me!

Once

So, I must say, Pandora.com has literally altered my existence! This is a 'smart' internet radio program that essentially creates a radio station for you based on a song or artist you love. The possibilities are endless.

I've been listening to a station based off the 'Once' Soundtrack---an Irish film about two musicians who meet up and make amazing harmony. It is semi-autobiographical in nature, and I really look forward to seeing this film! I have seldom heard such evocative male/female harmony...I've been thinking a lot about my life lately, and what my desires and dreams are, and it is interesting, because when I listen to good music, I just want to be an artist--I want to be making beautiful music. I don't necessarily have the talent for that endeavor, but it brings joy to my heart.

I honestly believe that in essence we were created to be happy...and at peace. Sometimes it is easy to confuse this, to think this means no suffering, no sorrow--but that is wrong! You can suffer and still be happy, still be at peace. I think about my own life, and in my short 22 years some of the most intimate, happy moments where shared with others in times of pain or suffering. The difficult moments of the human experience are what draw us together, what have the potential to bring us to life--and we shouldn't try to disregard or avoid them. Every trial is a grace in disguise...

So, what are your dreams?? I thought I would be content doing what I do right now forever, but I am not so sure anymore--but that excites me! I am getting ready to move, and it looks like I'll have a short term sublet by a beautiful cemetery--I look forward to early morning weekend walks in autumn when the leaves are pungent with amber and umber tones. I imagine those times to be moments of peace, and it thrills me! Even in the midst of crazy city life, there are harbors of perfection, such as old cemeteries or lake side parks.

One of my favorite havens is a 24-hour adoration chapel in the city. It is amazing to go in there at any hour and experience the joy of being in the presence of the Eucharist, which the lens of faith tells me is Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is almost insane, really. I am reading this publication called WEI--What is Enlightenment...it is very interesting, very new age spirituality. But when I stopped to think about my religion, I realized how crazy it might appear to one who was not a member of the Catholic Church. It furthers my conviction that human beings crave mystery, crave something unexplainable but captivating--this I have found in the Church, in an amazingly present way.

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Once is all we have, isn't it? To make a mark, to bring joy, to share a laugh or a tear. This life is crazy and short, but we have all those 'once' opportunities. I suppose what makes the difference is whether you say yes to them or not. You can spend your life being safe, planning every next step--or you can surrender to the unknown, take that once kind of chance, and maybe, just maybe, make some amazing harmony and find that happiness you've been looking for.