Into Great Silence

"It's been a while...since I could hold my head up high...and it's been a while since I first saw you..." Remember that one? From Staind?? The song is violent, but telling: once again, a human being frustrated by life and yet enchanted by another person, a person that he associates with first memories, candles, and culpability for failure...

Violation has been the theme of the last few weeks. My friend and I had our Macs stolen, and it is just funny when I consider that we began with an evening at Mass, then did a little work, saw a documentary all about health insurace and came back to the car to see a busted window and missing property. Heck, all I can say is shit literally does happen. But even in those first moments, realizing that there was someone going through something far more horrid than theft, I was reminded by my friend that context is key.

Frustrating and upsetting, all things are resolved in some manner, somehow...and we learn, right? I suppose what I'd like to say is these last few weeks, not having a computer and not being as 'connected,' I've realized how blessed I am...and that silence is in a sense very important. There is a documentary out right now, "Into Great Silence." I haven't seen the film yet, however, reflecting on the fact that a 2hr 40min film which is almost entirely silent is drawing fascinated crowds is telling of our times. We have knowledge at our fingertips, and everyone is a quick speed dial or voice activation away--yet do we have peace, like the young Carthusian Monks featured in the documentary?

People are fascinated by alternative life styles, and those of the young and religious are taking on popularity, if only from the magnifying glass perspective: "I look in, then I turn back," seems to be the average depth of experience with these counter cultural lifestyles, yet even that one glance often leaves the beholder with a morsel to chew on for a long time.

It isn't about running away, either. Religious life is courageous, and it is an adventure few agree to. Yet, even in my own vocation at this moment, living in this world 'right here right now' there are aspects of that religious lifestyle that I CAN and I WANT to adopt. We need to put on armor so the culture doesn't wear us down. Every Catholic ought to avail him or herself of frequent Mass and reconciliation. There is no surer way to find peace than regular Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Our Lord desires us to visit Him, to spend time with Him...to listen to Him and to love Him--and adoration is a most intentional way of loving and listening to the Lord.

I believe that if we incorporate Christ into our lives...we would have a great silence in our hearts, fortified by the peace of Christ. Sure, bad things will keep happening, because we live in a fallen world. Yet, seeking and finding that silence--that peace--is key. Within the context of contemplation, we are invited into the deeper mystery of discovering who we are, and within that mystery, we are most clearly invited to the greatest challenge of the Christian life--the acceptance of vocation and mission.

Back to Basics

Mary Poppins had it backwards: she ought to have sung "Just a spoon full of medicine helps the sugar go down...in the most delightful way!" Why this switch? I suppose if Poppins was sining to a post-modern, relativistic society, she would know that, truly, folks are surrounded by various medicines, and yet refuse to take them and enjoy the benefit of the sugar they can introduce into the system...

Now, to unearth my Not-So-Gospel-of-John quality pseudo parable: The medicine is your method, media, conversation...essentially, communication of choice, and the sugar is truth. Got it?? We are advocating integration here, folks...and this is a darn challenging task...which needs to be pondered over...but what it boils down to: people are starving for the truth, and it is has been embedded, hidden and even suffocated by the media and any/every other form of communication...what needs to happen?? Folks need to learn how to unlock the truth, and be inspired to have the passion to embrace the truth.

For example, I had a long debate about the moral implications of watching the film "Knocked Up" today. I am interested in how the issues of fornication (sex outside of marriage), pregnancy, etc. are handled in the film, and as I understand, there are some positive messages. Now, coupled with this there is bathroom humor, etc. The film is rated PG-13, and for good cause. Yet, I think that a level headed young adult can see the film and use it as a tool to evoke interest in others about issues of parenting, responsibility, and the relationships of men and women.

It may be a crude film, but it is what is out there right now...I am not saying you should just go to enjoy mindlessly, but I think if you have a good reason for seeing the film, if you want to use it as a teaching moment for young people who are accustomed and attracted to this type of entertainment--GO for it! We can work and pray to change the culture by producing stellar films of great moral integrity, which is top down...but we need to go bottom up, too, and work with what is already out there, give it a fair critique, and use films, publications, music, etc. as a tool to bring people closer to that truth they long for...

You may not need to see "Knocked Up" to learn about the ethical dilemmas of our culture, but some people do...for me, it is important to know what is going on within the culture, so that I can better engage the culture...it might be a little squeamish, but I believe that there will be a time when the efforts, the discomfort and the courage of those willing to engage the culture in a relative way will bear fruit--we may not see it in our lifetime, but we will know the knowledge of it in Eternity!!

At 95....A Blessing to Us All!

I know many folks who consider the idea of living a long life daunting...I mean, living in Chicago, sometimes I ever wonder if life will wind down, if folks actually get 8 hours of sleep, and if retirement is possible in this lifetime...

Alice, though, has defied the odds--with beauty, and grace, I might add. My great-grandmother is personally responsible for 24 lives...among her son, grandkids and all the great grandkids...she lived through WWI, WWII...the Depression, gas costing 7cents a gallon...President Kennedy's assassination...Vatican II...Paul VI's encyclical, Donum Vitae...John Paul II's Evangelium Vitae...a Polish Girl in Hartford, CT...whose favorite prayer is still the Rosary, who has buried two husbands, a grandson...her parents and siblings...and she still smiles every day and makes her son lunch before he heads to work as a deputy sheriff. She is one of the most humble, graceful women I know--if I've kept anything from my childhood, it has been the many cards she would send me over the years, for birthdays, or just any old day, wishing me happiness and sending her love, no matter where in the world my family was living. She is the one who bought me clay, against my mother's wishes (although she didn't know mom had forbid it)...which lead to my high school years of art work...she's the one who'd take me shopping, send 'mad money' to me when I was in college...who told me about the family in Poland...and has never missed a birthday (even my mom can't claim this one).

So, why Alice? Heck, she could have bought into every vice the 20th Century offered, but instead, she has lived a life of virtue. She's watched her grandkids and great-grandkids make mistakes, but she has never shown judgment, only love. She prays...oh, she prays every day for all of us...and I am convinced her countless Rosaries and Mercy Chaplets are responsible for keeping a good number of us alive. Because she said yes to her vocation, to being a wife and a mother, two generations later, I am here...what if she said no? The world would be shy 24 amazing, people--not perfect people, but folks who have left a mark on this world that no one else could. She didn't rush into marriage--she waited until she was 26, which was not common in her time...but when she did make that commitment, she made it with her whole heart, and kept her Faith at the center...so, to my dear G.G. (who will probably never go online, but that is besides the point)...thank you for your example and your love!

It is not about Marketing, it is about Relationships

"Welcome to the wonderful world of observation...this is your host, Alicia, and today I will guide you through the many perplexing moments that contributed to seconds, minutes and hours during which the fact of my personal existence has been incrementally maintained..."

Yeah, start a radio show like that...and I wonder how the ratings would pan out. But, how do you market yourself?? If you have an innovative idea or something truly worth sharing, sometimes it is really providential that someone else helps by marketing you...this, I would like to report in all the humble pride I can muster, has occurred recently...I was invited to submit a story to Salvo magazine, which is a quarterly publication that questions moral relativism in a radical way. My piece was accepted, I received a stipend...and now it is featured on the home page of their website! Check out www.salvomag.org ...pretty crazy, but exciting! Their publication is really a fine contribution to the good fight...I recommend you get yourself a subscription, you won't be disappointed!

I felt a little funny about this at first, and wasn't going to really put it out there, but I was encouraged to do so today by my friend who actually found it up on their website...so, there you go! I really am interested in feminism and finding ways to harness this energy to accomplish positive goals...I spoke about feminism in my article...and some of its negative effects on education...

Today, I decided to augment my very infantile knowledge of feminism by purchasing "b**ch" magazine...yes, this actually does exist...as a "feminist response to pop culture"...I began critiquing it this afternoon while I sipped my iced grande unsweetened black tea lemonade (the cost of the ink used to print this phrase out could probably feed a small child )...What a curious periodical! The logic: flawed...the morals: flawed...but the lessons: worth the $5.95 newsstand price...

I was nervous my purchase might be contributing to Emily's List or something like that, but I consoled myself by the thought that my money was just going to pay for the paper used to print ten of these periodicals, and all ten were going to young women, like me, who just wanted to critique, and were not going to buy into the biases...anyhow, I digress...What I have picked up from this little publication is the energy there is in feminist circles to advocate for some pretty noble causes, which many 'conservatives' would agree with...there is a piece in the current issue about the sexual devaluing of women in hip hop music, and how a feminist critique of mainstream pop music in general can help decrease violence against women and other forms of sexual devaluing of women in mainstream music...HECK, there is even an article with various arguments against requiring the inoculation of adolescent girls with the HPV vaccine...which is really a catch-22 for many Catholic Bioethicists...

What it all boils down to, however, is not marketing...this isn't really about Alicia getting her article published, or the positive aspects of third-wave feminism...but it is about forming relationships and building upon them. If my friend T.J. hadn't formed a relationship with Salvo magazine, I wouldn't have been invited to write for the publication, and my work wouldn't have been printed..."b**ch" isn't about how much I can learn about the feminist market (even though that is part of it), but about how creatively myself and others can form positive relationships with feminists and work to achieve common, wonderful goals!

I learned youth ministry from a dedicated man, Kris Walter, and the one thing he taught me, that really has transcended every aspect of my life, is that "Nothing happens outside of relationship." We are relational human beings...read some John Paul II (like Love and Responsibility, Theology of the Body) or anything St. Edith Stein, St. Gianna Beretta Molla, St. Maximillian Kolbe, Ignatius Cardinal Kung wrote...all these saints, and so many others I look up too...all of the Evangelists...everything they wrote, they said, they did...points towards relationship!

In Catholic Theology, the Trinity, Father, Son and Spirit, is relational, the perfect example of relationship, and believers are called to live in relationship with the Trinity, and in turn with one another...I won't go into Trinitarian Theology right now, but just that little bit is so much to ponder! Ever relationship matters...they open doors to opportunity, opportunity which at the highest level is the invitation to experience Eternal Life.

Memorandum of a Pro Life Activist

This week in Scotland, a 16 year old student was told she could not wear a pro life t-shirt to school. This was reported by LifeNews.com (http://www.lifenews.com/int345.html). Even more curious, this young lady had recently given birth to a baby boy. She reported that the birth of her son had solidified her opinion about an unborn child's right to life...and yet, once again, a student, and a student who has appearantly taken noble responsibility for her actions, gets in trouble for a pro life t-shirt.

Just after I read the article I recalled (and I hadn't thought about this in years) my own pro life t-shirt story! I was 15 or 16 years old, and had been actively praying and counseling at an abortion clinic in the Boston area for a couple of years at that point. With my new income from McDonald's, I got myself some gear to promote the cause. My t-shirt of choice was a black and white one with a baby's face on the front, which read, "Abortion is Murder." This was a classic Rock for Life staple in the late 90's. I loved the shirt...I always felt a little funny wearing it to the mall, but the more I wore it, the more comfortable I became with the message--which was grim, but true.

One afternoon I was with my friend and her little sisters at the local skating rink, wearing my shirt (with some pretty awesome red corduroy bell-bottoms). I was helping the little girls skate, we were dancing around...when a teen about my own age who worked there came up to me, quite like, and told me I couldn't wear my t-shirt. I asked her why, and she said that someone found it offensive. I asked her if this was company policy...and she gave me some sort of answer which communicated "yes", but implied "I am really sorry, I don't know how to handle this situation."

So, I did something I never thought I'd do...I didn't want to leave my friend with the little kids...so I turned my t-shirt inside out. It was so awkward...I thought, "Am I denying the truth??" Then I realized...maybe I wasn't.

The woman who didn't like my shirt was there...and she kept looking at me. She knew what my shirt said, even if it was inside out. So did everyone else there...and it must have made them think a little, to see the girl with the inside-out shirt: "Why did she do that??" I bet they wondered. Later on, my mom told me she wouldn't wear a shirt like mine, because for her, it was about what is in your heart. She encouraged me to keep wearing my shirt, because she said some people were called to be messengers in a more radical way.

Reflecting on it years later, I think I learned a lesson about being a disciple that day. I was mocked, you know? I had to wear my shirt inside out, and that woman had a 'victory'...or did she? Because my shirt was inside-out, it drew more attention to me. I didn't go up and argue with her...I actually remember desiring to smile at her, and wondering if she had suffered the pains of an abortion, or perhaps someone she loved did. I wasn't angry at her, but I was sad, sad that little me and my t-shirt had caused her grief that day.

The moral of the story: we can wear our message on a sleeve...and sometimes this is very important...but engraving the message upon the heart is much harder, because it requires pain and a commitment that really cannot be taken back... a daily renewal of the vow to fight for the truth, whether it be the dignity of the human person, or any of the other Gospel messages.

So, cheers to our young Scottish lady, who not only wore her t-shirt, but also engraved the message on her heart, and has a beautiful baby boy as a lifelong gift for her courage.

"For behold, all generations shall call me blessed
For he who is mighty has done great things for me
And holy is his name."
~ Luke 3

Coffee shops motivate me...I think much my best work has always been done with java at hand, and any joint that serves the brew right is an added bonus. I am sure there is some placebo effect involved, but for the most part, the smells, the sounds, the camaraderie of a coffee shop puts me in a mood to work...and accomplish tasks!

Currently, I have many projects in the works, but one that I must complete by Friday morning is my thesis paper. I didn't quite know how to go about this, so I read the latest draft version (while sitting at Caribou): and realized what a unique opportunity this paper has afforded me! The ideas in it, which are a synthesis by some brilliant
theologians, can truly help me and many, I think, in the mission to reconcile women with the false ideals promoted by many contemporary feminists! When I was working on this paper a few months ago, so much was going on, and I really wasn't fully present to the project: but now, sitting here, seeing how the research has come together, I am truly excited!

This is not meant to be a pat on the back to myself, but more to inspire us all to do our work well! So often living our vocation means accomplishing the mundane, the deadlines for proposals and papers, projects and postmarks. If it is 'just another task' it is tedious! But if we can look at each little piece of our daily life as a building block to the larger goal, those things we MUST DO become a joy, because we can finally view them in light of our larger goal. So often the little project, and even the big-little projects (like thesis papers and presentations) teach us invaluable lessons about ourselves, our gifts and our talents. We can't learn what we are good at if we don't accept and embrace the challenges of life, even the ones that are mere necessity. Surely, I could finish up this paper with no real commitment to it, treat it like an academic project that needs to be stamped with an "A" and be done...but if I am faithful to treating it as an opportunity to prepare me for tomorrow, and the next day...than I am allowing the Lord to sanctify my work and use it to prepare me for those tasks I don't even know He desires to commission me for!

My thesis, by the way, is all about entrustment to the Virgin Mary...when I finish it, I'll post it (warning: it will be over 30 pages). Here, though, I want to invite you to just consider her words I started the post with...she recognizes her place in salvation history, while at the same time exalting the Lord. In her profound humility, she accepts her favor, her gift, her role, her vocation...but ever in the context of God's beneficence. May the Lord afford us the grace to always accept and rejoice in our gifts, ever in light of His goodness...

Image: "The Annunciation" By Dante Gabriel Rossetti